Mean what you say and say what you mean

Have you ever decided that you were mad at someone and had a period of time from the moment you decide to be mad and the moment they know you are mad?  I may be the only one, but during that time, be it minutes, hours, or days, I tend to get a surge of energy and start planning out all the things I could say and might say if the right time comes; it’s as if I am preparing for battle.  Once that moment comes and the other person realizes ‘hey, something is awry’ I usually would get, for lack of a better word, excited and pumped for the fight to begin.  I’d get ready for all the passive-aggressive behavior and below the belt comments that have nothing to do with the actual disagreement.  Not to get all Dr. Phil, but I’m pretty sure that reflexive excitement and preparation I would get was due to the select unhealthy relationships I’ve had in the past. 

I haven’t been really mad or angry at a person in a long time; it’s usually at situations or circumstance, not so much people lately.  I was angry with someone recently.  I had the lull between me deciding to be mad and them knowing I was mad, and during that time I was the usual pre-battle mentality.  But this time, after the inevitable conversation that cemented that something wasn’t right, I felt terrible.  I didn’t want to battle or go blow-for-blow.  I didn’t want to be mad at them anymore and I wanted to resolve it ASAP.  I hated the feeling of them knowing I was upset with them.  It’s as if I wanted to hit the FFF button to the instant that the actual issue was addressed, talked through, and resolution was made.  No passive aggressive remarks, no dodgy statements, no fruitless hours spent running around the issue.  Just Clear. Productive. Communication. 

After processing the new feeling I had towards confrontation (and my self-awareness of my extremely immature previous behavior) I realized a couple things: 

1)      I probably didn’t care nearly half as much as I thought I did about the people I used to fight with.  If you really care about the people you choose to have in your life, you won’t be able to tolerate the thought of them being hurt, let alone by you.  The friendships I’ve chosen to sustain are ones that are meaningful and ones that are worth keeping, which is something I think is to be proud of. 

2)      All those life inspiring poster slogans about communication were dead on.  It truly is the key.  Effective communication saves time, energy, tears, and hurt. 

Communication is helpful is just about every situation in life.  I’ve had a few examples recently that have provided those ‘case and point’ moments when it comes to communication. 

When I watch those “Why Am I Still Single?!” and “Tough Love” shows, they seem to constantly come back to the concept that us humans haven’t been blessed with the talent of mind reading.  Now I know if you’re dating a certain vampire, yes, he can read your mind, but I have yet to stumble upon him during his raids in Alaska.  You have to be able to voice what you need, what you want, and your concerns as they arise.  That last part seems to be key; you can’t wait for things to bottle up.  One of my closest friends, AJ, told me a good relationship tactic: you have 2 days to say you are mad.  If you wait until after that, you can’t say it because it is more than likely too late for the other person to really fix it and you have wasted 48 hours of your life being angry (which is real energy drainer let me tell you).  I’ve been on a dating website since moving here and have gone on a few dates.  They were decent dates, no weird quirks or inappropriate comments, just no spark or real attraction at the end of it.  One of the guys I went out with had texted me a few times after the date asking to go out again.  I felt bad so I gave a few vague responses, then I realized I just needed to say “you were a nice guy, but there wasn’t any spark”.  After I said that, the messages stopped.   No more let downs when I heard my text tone thinking it’d be someone I wanted to hang with, no more awkward responses.  It was just done.  I communicated what I wanted, how I felt and he understood and that was that.  Clear communication creates clear results. 

You use a turn signal to communicate with other drivers that you need to get over.  I never knew the value of preparation when it comes to driving as I do now after driving in the rain/ice/snow/slush/gross/ugly mess, and part of that preparedness is letting others around you know what your next move is going to be.  This way they can make sure to prepare and get out of your way because you will undoubtedly need more room to slide/slosh/fishtail into the other lane than you are anticipating. 

Last example has to do with work.  The hospital I work for has implemented hourly rounding.  This means that every single hour, either the nurse or the nurse’s aide will check on the room.  This sounds like a simple concept, but it is a lot harder than it seems, especially when you have 5 patients.  Say you spend 8 minutes in each room during each visit, that’s 40 minutes which gives you 20 minutes to every hour to:

·         prepare medications

·         try and decipher doctor orders

·         track down other nurses or that doctor who wrote the order when you decide you can’t safely decide what it says

·         call pharmacy to verify that those orders as, in fact, correct

·         document: assessments, care plans, vital signs, and blood sugars

·         (Lord willing) pee

Now initially hourly rounding seems like a daunting task, but (just like they said) it does help save time.  My favorite part of the hourly rounding concept is before you leave the patient’s room you say two things: “Is there anything else I can do before I leave?”  and “Me or the nurse’s aide will be back within the next hour to check on you.”  If you say those two phrases it’s like BLADOW! Call lights stop ringing as much and you finally have time to pee.  You communicate with the patient that they aren’t being abandoned when you walk out of their room, that you will be back and that they don’t need to lie on the call bell just to make sure that you exist.  I save time, energy, tears, and hurt (feet) due to effective communication. 

“I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, an elephant is faithful 100 percent.” –Horton Hears a Who