Dating in Alaska 101
As I sit in my shared
townhouse, enjoying the last few weeks here before I move to the ‘big city’
(Anchorage) I can’t help but be reflective on my 8 short months here in Alaska. That combined with recent events that I’ve
been occupying my thoughts with for the last several days; I sit here and think
about dating. The select few people I
indulge my deepest regrets with have often said I should write a book about my
adventures dating because they are, quite frankly, ridiculous and questionably entertaining. I don’t know about a book, but I would like
to share (mostly for future selfish reasons) some of my experiences.
I waited about two months
before creating my online dating profile.
I waited until the shock of my decisions sunk in and I felt I had ‘settled’
into some sort of routine. I chose one
of the free ones, as to try to not put a price on the worth of my
affections. Sounds good right? Actually I chose a free one because I didn’t
think it made a difference either way, and I could find more useful ways to
spend $40 odd bucks a month.
The very first date was normal
enough, drinks and appetizers at a local quaint restaurant. He was nice and decent on the eyes, but there
was no spark. We didn’t share the same
humor, so it created some awkward silences.
He was an Alaska State Trooper, and according to some, it’s no surprise
that he had no sense of humor. We never
talked again after that.
There have been about 5-8
dates similar to the first. Decent food
and alcohol, but no real conversation to speak of. One of those where you can’t wait for the
next drink or meal to arrive so you can stop asking questions about how many
siblings you have, or what’s your favorite color. That’s always been my cue that it is going
downhill. NO ONE cares how many siblings
you have, so whenever a date (or a new hairdresser) asks me that I can’t help
but roll my eyes and keep from saying “if you can’t think of anything else you’d
care to know about me, just be silent. Please.”
Now I have had my fair share
of “WTH just happened?!” moments. I’ve
been taken to a strip club as a second date.
A strip club named ‘The Alaskan Bush Company’. I’ve been refused service at a restaurant because
my date was too intoxicated to be served.
I’ve had dates show up wearing a book bag that I had to legitimately
prepare my swift exit, for fear of what might be in that bag (rope? Chloroform?
Porn? Skittles?). I’ve been asked what
kind of ring I’d like to be proposed with by one, and what kind of wedding I’d prefer
by another (remember, FIRST date). And although
I love technology as much as the next 20 something year old, it can make
sharing things almost too easy. I don’t think I need to go into detail on
this one, just use your imagination and whatever you come up with, yep, that’s
it.
Now that’s not to say I haven’t
had my fair share of fun. I’ve been
sledding, hiking, out to movies, karaoke, dancing and eating some of the finest
seafood in Alaska. I’ve learned about
others Alaskan experiences and learned so much about this state from those who’ve
lived it. I’ve tried new and different
drinks, learned to like wine, dark beer, and when to call it a night and pay
your tab (or have him pay it…).
I’ve probably been on
upwards of 20 first dates. Around 5
second dates. Only 2 did I go out with
for more than 3 times. You learn a lot
about people, men, boys, alcohol, but most of all you learn about
yourself. I’ve learned that trying to
get someone to know who you are, makes you have to figure out who you are in
the first place. You have to figure out
what your interests are: favorite movies, favorite music, favorite beer,
favorite hobbies and activities. For
those certain few that want to go deeper: your ambitions, goals, fears, values
and view on religion. I have learned a
lot about what makes Stephanie different (and the same) from every other woman
out there.
I’ve been wooed, lusted
after, liked, loved, swept away and desired.
I’ve been disrespected, disregarded, let down and abandoned. I’ve had promises made and broken in the ways
of trust and motive. I’ve learned that
people treat you the way you allow them too.
That’s not to say you can force a person to treat you one way or
another, because that’s a fruitless task.
It’s to say that the way you present yourself to people (conscious or
not) gives them cues (conscious or not) as to how to treat you. If they abide by these cues, FANTASTIC!, keep
them around. If they don’t, remove
yourself. If you continue to entertain
the way they treat you by allowing them to be around you, then you are giving
them permission to continue to treat you in such a manner. You have so much power, so much control! I’d like to think I’ve become more powerful
in all of my adventures. Realizing I have
power over things I thought was left to fate or to others. That you can’t go around feeling victimized. That you have to own up to the way you’ve
allowed others to treat you, and know that you can be the change that you have
wished to see in others (I know, lame Mother Teresa quote, but it fits,
ok?). I can’t wait to see where this
power takes me.
“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our
sufferings, because we know that suffering produces
perseverance; perseverance,
character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us.” –Romans 5:3-5
